1.) Where did you bring in 2006?
it was awful. layin on my couch. by myself. in horrendous pain from having my tonsils out that past week, AND in the worst fight of my entire life with my mom and crying about that. not so great of a memory

2.) What was your status by Valentine's Day?
'seeing somebody' but looking back both him and i agree it was official, so in a relationship

3.) Were you in school (anytime this year)?
yah up here at MSU

4.) How did you earn your keep?
didnt have a job if thats what this question is about

5.) Did you ever have to go to the hospital?
i was just in the hospital last thursday

6.) Have you ever encountered the police?
umm.... i dont think i did this year honestly

7.) Where did you go on vacation?
Punta Cana, Carribean
up north snowboarding for spring break
Laaaas Veeegaaaaassss :-D
camping over the summer up north

8.) What did you purchase that was over $500?
the closest i came was an order i placed the other day for most of my christmas shopping it was 400 something dollars

9.) Did you know anybody who got married?
Patrick and Stephanie
Jen and Brian
Meg and Nate

10.) Did you know anybody who passed away?
don't think so

11.) Have you ran into anybody you graduated high school with?
yah i hang out with them from time to time

12.) Did you move anywhere?
i moved in between e.l. and detroit

13.) What sporting events did you go to?
MSU football games, lots of MSU hockey games, lots of Tigers games

14.) What concerts did you go to?
Crosby Stills and Nash with my family like every year, toby keith, rascal flatts

15.) Are you registered to vote?
yup

16.) If so, did you do your patriotic duty on Nov. 7?
nope

17.) Where do you live now?
up at school

18.) Describe your birthday.
my birthday was amazing. friday jessica and stacey came up. took me out to dinner then played beer pong for 5-6 hours (literally). jon, jen and nick came by an dpicked me up at midnight and took me to the bar. i only could have one shot and a half of a beer cuz i was too wasted. then i wasnt feeling so hot the whole next day but i rested up and snappe dout of it cuz it was time for the LUAU party. just about everyone that means something to me showed up at my house on the night of my birthday. i got my first keg. miller light. i made ton sof jungle juice. i was wearing a jean skirt and bikini top and everyone else wore fun tee shirts and some of the guys wore hawaiian shirts. everyone had leis i bought and they all wore them the whole time. everyone got wasted and danced, sang, and had so much fun. it was the most amazing time of my life by far.

19.) What's the one thing you thought you would never do but did in 2006?
ohh snap umm theres a lot of things i thought i'd never do that i ended up doing. i guess things like.. changing my major, dating some people that i dated, went to vegas, went to the caribbean, move on with my life after joel fucked me over to what i thought was beyond repair

20.) What is one thing you regretted this year?
i like to think i dont live with regret but theres a few people i dated/got involved with that if i could go back i woudlnt do

21.) What's something you learned about yourself?
that i dont have it all figured out just yet, i have a huge issue not being able to trust and i have an enormous wall up around myself, i am actually a pretty strong person all things considered, i've got a lot to offer, and i love making new friends

22.) Any new additions to your family?
not this year

23.) What was your best month?
i was very happy in january, january was a fantastic month for me, the year sort of disintigrated as it went on

24.) What from pop culture will you remember 2006 by?
i dont know probably all the new variations on the ipod that came out

25.) How would you rate this year with a scale from 1 (shitty) to 10 (the shit)?
honestly? compared to any normal person's life it wasnt really that great, probably a 4... however compared to all of 2005? 2006 was off the charts phenominal, like a 20

Adult Survey - Be honest. If you aren't honest then what is the point? Fill it out and re-post as a bulletin. Have fun!

1) Ever been to a strip club?
haha umm went to Danny's for my sis in law's bachelorette... kiiinda awkward

2) Ever been to a bar?
once or twice

3) Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club?
not technically... almost did in canada for dancin on top of the bar, but they were nice enough to let me stay after pulling me down, then linda got kicked out of mainstreet billiards on friday but we all left with her, but me personally, not yet

4) Ever been so drunk you had to be carried out of somewhere?
yes! senior year spring break first time i EVER got drunk, got so drunk at carlos and charlies in Cozumel mexico that a guy i met on the cruise, rob, had to carry me back to the boat.

***Number 5 wasn't worth seeing???

6) Thrown up from drinking too much?
yaahh.. once freshmen year and then a couple months ago cuz of burgerama :-D lol that was a long night

7) Had sex in a car?
no actually

8) Had sex with someone older than u?
perhaps

9) Had sex in a movie theater?
no

10) Had sex at work?
no! thats so wrong

11) Have you ever been to an adult store?
haha um yah

12) Bought something from an adult store?
yah why go and not buy anything?

13) Have you spent over $100 in one visit to the adult store?
hahah nooo. thats kinda ridiculous

14) Is there anyone on your friends list you would ever consider having sex with?
ha umm probably

15) Have you ever had a threesome?
no i havent

16) Have you ever kissed a stranger?
haha oh yah, a few times :-D

17) Does anyone have naughty pics or video of you?
maybe a pic or two, but they werent that bad, at all

18) Had sex in a bathroom/public place?
nope

so i'm just chillin.. layin around cuz its thursday and i dont have any classes today. actually pretty damn bored, even though i techincally have a lot of stuff to do...... so i figured i'd update cuz i haven't in a while.

I've come to realize that..... when i actually have really meaningful important shit happen, it usually doesnt make it in here. No offence to my loyal readers. Not that i dont want to share... but i think its a combination of, not wanting to post super personal events on the internet for anyone and everyone to read as they damn well please, and when i've got important stuff goin on i really dont find the time or the need or desire to write them here.

So, keeping that in mind... classes are going well for the most part. I've got an aerobic instruction class (i'll be a certified aerobic instructor at the end of it, didnt know that that was what i was signing up for, but cool), a philosphy in relation to kinesiology class, a sport in society class, physics, and substance abuse. The aerobic one is going to be a slight pain in my ass cuz it literally is learning how to put together a proper and professional warm up, work out, and cool down. The thing is, i dont have any desire to be an aerobic instructor. I'm tryin to look at it from the angle of, it'll help with th personal training.. somehow. The philosphy class is actually pretty sweet cuz the TA's that teach it are decently cool. The material is dry but oh well. Everything is related to sports so its not bad. The sports in society class is great cuz the TA's are awesome, we watch movies a lot, and we got put into groups to do a group project and my group is AWESOME. Theyre a hillarious fun group of kids. Physics blows ass. I'll be lucky to get out of that class with a 2.0. Thats what im shooting for.. passing it with the lowest possible passing grade. And again i'll be lucky to do that. The class defiantely has gotten off to a rocky start... everyone struggles but i really cant afford to fail. It seems inevitable but we'll see. My substance abuse class is GREAT. i love it. we sit there and learn/talk about cocaine, marijuana, heroin, lsd, etc etc. Each class is a GROUP quiz (yeup, group quiz. seroiusly the most brilliant thing i've ever heard of in my life), then a lecture, then either a guest speaker (and someone cool like a cop, someone from the EL meth team, a recovering AA member, etc), or a movie. Watching the movie Blow is on the syllabus and i'm personally ecstatic about that one. Basketball diaries is on the sylabus too wich is ironic cuz i had never heard of that movie and i saw it on tv a few weeks ago. It was awesome. So thats classes.... so far, so good i think. Shouldnt be too hard to pull a really good grade in all of them but physics.

My social life has been phenominal. Being 21 just, opens so many doors. First of all I am not sneaking around trying to hide the fact that i'm drinking when i am. I can say yes officer look at my ID and oh wait i AM 21 thank you. I like being able to supply myself with my own alcohol. Looking back it was a giant pain in the ass to try and find someone to buy alcohol, asking them to make a run, tipping them, sometimes not getting exactly what we wanted.. ahh it was just a huage hassle. and its nice knowing thats over and i'm in control. going to the bars is so much fun, mainly because i love to dance. the bar we go to up here called Rick's has this awesome dancefloor and just about any night of the week its filled and they always play some pretty sweet music. I love gettin all ready to go out, pickin out a fun outfit, meetin up with friends, goin inside, doin a round of shots, then hittin that dance floor for hours and hours. Sweat drippin down my body and dancing so hard sometimes i wake up with sore muscles. I love it. It feels soo good and is just such a fun time. Dancing is amazing.

My dating life has been nothing less that interesting. Seriously the list of lessons i've learned the hard way never ceases to grow. The list of, what i DONT want in a guy and what i DO want in a guy keeps getting longer and longer. I dated a friend from highschool for a month over the summer. Its amazing how much someones true colors shine through when you least expect them to.... and i'm not really talking about anything good here. But hey, its good to learn the truth about people sooner than later, right? People dissapoint and let you down, people that promise they never won't. In most cases, A person's word means absolutely nothing, i've come to realize. Cuz most people cant be trusted and are not straight up, down to earth individuals. Yah so, that sorta went down in flames, but just like ALWAYS i picked myself up rather quickly and moved on with life. Life always moves on. Even when you think it won't, it does. Life doesnt stop.... it doesnt wait for you. And you're down and out for a short while but life picks you right back up and new and better opportunities typically present themself. I almost immediately met another guy that i never was bf/gf with but we were 'seeing eachother' for a good month. It was a fantastic time, and i liked him a lot. But it ended with him falling off the face of the earth, me tracking him down and beating an answer out of him, him giving me 2 hours of 'i need to find myself, i dont want a commitment right now cuz i cant handle it' bullshit, only for me to find out 2 weeks later hes in a relatoinship with another girl. Thanks, liar. It defiantely took a toll on me but to be honest i got over that one really quickly too. I usually end up hurting very badly for a short while then i snap out of it and realize how much people like that are not worth my time, effort, energy, or worry. And he defiantely made the list of people not worth it, and i'm 100% ok with it. Actually definately made my list of, people i am so much better off without and i'm happy they're out of my life. I definately dont have time for shit like that. Coincidentally when i was pretty down and out about things coming to an end with him, i was sitting on my porch and out of the blue my neighbors whom i had not met yet came up to me, WASTED, and were like you look sad we're your neighbors come over and party with us! so i went next door and partied with them. i met tons of new people that night. since then i've met the whole Stoddard street gang and they are all such great people. They all are very friendly and LOVE having a good time. I think i fit in fairly nicely. There was one particular guy i met that there seemed to be some chemistry with us... but because of the recent heart ache and me being on that 'all men suck' mind set, i didnt really give it more thought than he was just another person i met on the street. I recently have let my guard down just a bit to let him in and potentially see where it goes. Its been fun so far, and hes a really really great/sweet guy. So we will see. Who knows.

ooo i suddenly feel like i pushed the envelope and wrote down way more that i'd usually be comfortable sharing. ohhh well.

i'm gonna go... either be productive or do something highly unproductive and play video games or something. ha.



*I go to parties sometimes until four
its hard to leave when you cant find the door
its hard to handle this fortune and fame
everybody's so different, i havent changed.*

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.

You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.

You'll fight with your best friend.

You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.

You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love.

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

so yah this was by far the craziest weekend i've had in quite some time. it was definately comparable to my 21st birthday weekend.

Thursday night was my parents 27th wedding anniversary. So, me, my mom, dad, bro, carolyn, carolyns parents and carolyn's bro went to the northern lakes resturant in the kingsley in.... REALLY fancy place. its where the reception for the wedding was at. So we had LOTS of food... lots of wine and champagne. It was a fabulous time, really.

Then Friday, kristen came over here bright and early. We headed over to bryans (taking our own detour.. ha). And me, bryan, kristen and matt went out on the boat. Kristen wakeboarded, and did FABULOUSLY i must say. No wait.. i went first i think.... yah i went first, did okk.. got some GREAT tips from bryan about jumpin the wake and what not. Then kristen put on quite an impressive show, then matt went. He did really really well. He's got some balls i must say. He would go super far outside of the wake, wind up as hard as he could, then hammer it towards the wake with all his might and cut so hard. he attempted to jump the whole wake, wich is somethign that i wanna do.. pretty much my goal for the summer. and he could actually do it a few times! very impressive. Dan, Bryan's lil bro brad, brad's girlfriend, two other people (girl who went to marian and her bf) came out eventually. Dan and brad wakeboarded wich was pretty damn impressive too. The girl who went to marian wakeboarded.. i cant remember her name, thats horrible... but anyway, she wakeboarded. she did pretty good! THEN bryan went wakeboarding and he was really fun to watch. I soo wish i could do waht he can do. He's really good, its pretty incredible. He attempted this one craazy ass trick and i think he actually almost landed it. I got a lot of this on camera too. So that should be an interesting video. I think i'm gonna edit it, and put all the falls together, and put some music to it. Should be cool. Umm yah so we were all out, wakeboarding, having an awesome time, then we took a dinner break. We all went to applebees and had a good dinner. Then, we went back to bryan's and while he went out and got gas, Matt took me for a spin in his 2006 corvette. SOOOO awesome. oh my god. its a sexy sexy car i must say. there was one moment i thought i was going to die but i also trusted matt and it all turned out ok and he got me back safe and sound. wild ride. so then we went back and as soon as the boat was filled with gas we went out again. I went out wakeboarding again and bryan convinced me to try this crazy ass thing where you let go of the rope with one hand, spin completely around, board and everything, a complete 360 degree turn, and end up inthe same position you start with. Well.. i tried it... got half way around so i was facing completely away from the boat, and i forgot to shift my weight, so the board jsut completely went under and i fell SOOO hard, right on th eback of my head. It felt like i hit a brick wall, it was ridiculous. I wanted to keep going and wakeboard more but i half did not know where i was so i decided to call it quits. Me and kristen drove back to my place where jason, abby, matt and his gf were waiting for us. We gave them their tickets, visited for a little bit, then me and kristen showered and got ready for the RASCAL FLATTS CONCERT!!! we mixed up a little beverage and drove up to the palace. Takin opdyke was the best decision we've ever made. There was zero traffic while i heard 75 was at a stand still. We shared our beverage and headed in, feelin' pretty damn good. We walked around, talked to some Crowd Control people (i felt the love hardcore) then we found our seats, and proceeded to see one absolutely AMAZING concert. it was SO good oh my gosh. We were dancin, singin.. just being ridiculous. I had such a good time. We went to the Grill after wich is a little bar/club sorta deal thats inside the palace that has a dance floor and a bar. We totally rocked out hard core like whoa and danced for a while. Just, cut loose and went nuts. It was so great. And i saw more of my old crowd control friends and supervisors, and again really felt the love. Then, it got to be closing time, and kristen and i headed out. Quick stop at the gas station for some gas and.. mm.. other things :-D... and then we drove back home (rockin out to Toby Keith BLARING in the car of course). Kristen and i hopped into my bed and crashed. She took off as soon as she was awake enough to make the drive back. I got back to sleep and slept...

until my mom woke me up the next day around noon to tell me to get ready for the grad party we had to go to in ohio, my little cousin graduating highschool. So, i showered up.. then headed down to ohio. it was actually pretty fun.. hung out with the fam for a while, ate some AMAZING food. i was SO tired that at about 5'ish, or maybe it was 6'ish.. when we were all ready to leave.. i was suposed to go to a party in east lansing with my bro but i wanted to just go home and sleep fo the rest of the night. i was so exhausted. well... i decided in the end to tag along with t hem cuz my mom just drove my car home,therefore i got to ride along with them. I fell asleep almost the whole entire way from ohio to east lansing. We got up there, and it was actually a house warming party for his friend mark whom he roomed with at kettering. He lived about 10 minutes east of MSU and it was in this REALLY nice developing neighborhood in this amazing house. it was so big, clean, so much space.. it was just a really nice layout. There were some older adults we didnt know, then some younger kids our age that we didnt know... and the people i knew were my bro, carolyn, mark, scott, rob, andria, kristin and john. They had a ton of great food and lots of alcohol. it started off pretty low key... we all ate.. me and the girls chatted in teh corner while the boys looked at and talked about their company cars outside. Then... as the night continued on... people started to drink more and more.. and the party slowly evolved into a pretty crazy bash. I thought we would hang out, chill, have a drink, leave by about 10. Well.... hm 2 glasses of wine, 2 full (i'm talking the big red cups) of jack daniels and pop, and lots of beer (and the beer was consumed playing a drinking game, so, aka, chugged).... me along with almost everyone there was pretty gone. It was SO much fun. There was this video game we all were playin where the controllers were guitars... and it was similar to dance dance revolution but you had to strum the right note at the right time.. and it just... was HILLARIOUS. We finished the night off by playing a drinking game called shoulders. THAT was trouble. Avoid playing shoudlers if you dont wanna get wasted. But it was fun as hell. there was this super creepy guy i did not know that was hitting on me and just kinda freakin me out for a while at the end. When i went to leave with my bro and carolyn (chris was sober, good to drive), he wanted to give me a hug so i was like uh ok sure... went to hug him.. and he A. grabs my boob, and B. moans. Uhhh. So unwelcome and unwanted. Now, yes, he was drunk.. but scuse me? I dont walk around drunk at parties and see a guy i think is hot and go up to him and grab his crotch? Woudlnt that just be absolutely ridiculous if i did? And thats teh same exact thing that he did and somehow its acceptable. Wow. Anyway.... so... yah we decided to roll outta there at... god i dno 1:00am'ish? i have noo clue. I was way too drunk for my own good. I was embarassed how gone i was. Havnet been that gone in a while, and i dont think i'll be visiting that gone of a state of mind for quite some time. It was a long car ride home cuz i just... was a mess. But my bro and sis took great care of me wich was much apreciated. I owe them big time. But yah i am SOO happy i went to the party. It turned out to be just an amazingly fun time.

Today i kept it pretty low key. i woke up at my bro and sis's house... feeling quite like what i imagine one would feel like after getting hit by a truck. I slept for a little while longer and then they drove me home at about noon'ish. I got back here and immediately got recruited to help clean and pack the trailer b/c we're going on vacation next weekend apparently. Higgins lake. So i ate lunch (oh ps eating tuna fish on a hangover, horribly bad idea). Talked to a few people online, then cleaned with my momfor a few hours, went grocery shopping with her wich was the largest, most ridiculous grocery shopping outing ever. We had to stop shopping b/c nothing else woudl fit in the cart. literally. I was SO exhausted. We got back to the house, i showered, then went to church with my parents. Came back here, had some dinner. Was suposed to go out on the boat with bryan but i was just so incredibly exhausted. My neck hurts from falling on the wakeboard and sleeping on it weird last night. My stomach and head have been hurting all day. My lower back is sore from wakeboarding. So i just was in an immense amount of discomfort on top of being super exhausted from all the excitement over the weekend. So, i skipped wakeboarding today, but i'm planning on going tuesday!! yay!!.... and i've just been taking it easy. its about 1am now and i think i'm gonna try and go to sleep. Gonna try and convince myself to go back to karate tomorrow too... wish me luck!!



Hey thanks to everyone who made this weekend one of the best ever :) so much fun guys. GOOD times.


~fisch, OUT :)



"You were a drive by moment...."


"cuz you're a god and i am not.. and i just thought i'd let you know... that you're a god and i am not, and i just thought i'd let you go...."

Yup. My major is OFFICIALLY changed. When i took my folder to the new place and said here i'm changing my major, they were like "ok so you're a freshman? sophomore?".... "uh... no.. senior"... there was a moment where the two women in the room just sorta looked at me with the extremely surprised, half "you're insane/stupid" looks.... i just smiled and said am i all set here? have a nice day.


I got to state exactly at 1:30 wich is when my apointment wtih the KIN advisor was. I sat there litearlly for 1/2 hour.. and the funny part about it is that she was like 10 feet away from me in her cubicle... and she was waiting for a call from someone from the front desk (where i checked in) to say she's here... and they called her but her ring on her phone was off! So i sat there.. and so did she..... for 1/2 hour.. both of us thinking the other one wasnt there. I was kinda frustrated.. but w/ever. I made a new high score on tetris on my phone. ha.


So finally when she walked out and saw me there, it ws "oh my gosh! how long ahve you been sitting there! i am soo sorry! my phone is messed up!!" and i just laughed and said no no its totally fine. i'm not in a rush. She's got an awesome british (or something) accent, so its nice to just hear her talk. lol. i love accents. So we sat down, and i said... i was here with you at orientation 3 years ago... when i was just getting into MSU.... and you helped me schedule some courses cuz i was a KIN major.. then i switched.. and now i know that KIN is what i wanna do. She asked me what i was thinking about doing and i said "i wanna be a personal trainer." She said ok well.... my official title now is... well i dno if title is the right word.. but i am majoring in Kinesiology concentrating on Exercise Science with a cognate in Fitness LEadership and a Specialization in Health Promotion. SIGH. Mouthful, huh? But its so me! Its so EXACTLY what i want! What i am. I am SO excited :) I feel so much better about my life in general right now cuz this is such a great direction and i'm so excited. So she helped me go through the classes.. what i have.. what i have left to do... Good news there- if i can get all the classes i want/need (which is proving to be difficult but i'm gonna keep trying, ltos of stuff is filled and they dont do overides).. i should graduate fall of 07! wich is only a summer semester and a fall semester more than originally anticipated. Wich, for changing my major senior year.... not bad at all. Then i asked her about graduate work and if i would/should consider doing that. Her responce was, if i want to do something above and beyond like possibly be a professional athletes personal trainer, or something insane like that.. go for graduate work wich would be 2-4 years at a college other than MSU cuz msu doesnt offer it. But yah, how crazy would that be?! I dno we'll take that as it comes. There's also an option for me to, after undergrad work, take some tests and do some studies through the American College of Sports Medicine (i believe) to get certified as a personal trainer. Sooo.. what its lookin like is... the following

~Classes from now until Fall semester 07 going towards fitness leadership and health promotion
~an internship wich is required
~hopefully a job at a gym, facility.. some sort of part time experience in between.. maybe even a part time job at one of the gyms on campus
~graduation
~get certified as a personal trainer
~possible graduate school

This is totally do'able and i cant even begin to tell you how incredibly excited i am that i'm doing this for myself. I'm so happy that i recognized waht it was i REALLY wanted and finally let myself go for it. It's time to stop living int he past, and its time to just let myself go and be me and do waht i really wanna do for myself.. and take are of myself and my happiness and stop second guessing myself whether or not i can do something. And its definately time i stop worrying about and being scared to leave things in the past and move on to bigger, better, more amazing things that'll make me so much happier.

The biggest challenge is to somehow wriggle my way into all these classes i need that are already filled to the max. I'll have to email the profs and see if i can kiss ass enough to get myself in. It'll all work out, i'm sure of it.

So i wanna keep writing but i need to train myself to not type like a whole entire novel per entry. I'll write more later. 'Night :)




Who doesn't know what I'm talking about
Who's never left home, who's never struck out
To find a dream and a life of their own
A place in the clouds, a foundation of stone

Many precede and many will follow
A young girl's dream no longer hollow
It takes the shape of a place out west
But what it holds for her, she hasn't yet guessed

She needs wide open spaces
Room to make her big mistakes
She needs new faces
She knows the high stakes

She travelled this road as a child
Wide eyed and grinning, she never tired
But now she won't be coming back with the rest
If these are life's lessons, she'll take this test

She needs wide open spaces
Room to make her big mistakes
She needs new faces
She knows the high stakes

As her folks drive away, her dad yells, "Check the oil!"
Mom stares out the window and says, "I'm leaving my girl"
She says, It didn't seem like that long ago
When she stood there and let her own folks know

She needs wide open spaces
Room to make her big mistakes
She needs new faces
She knows the high stakes

So i really wanna get back into karate. I'm just sooo super embarassed because.. ok heres the story. Right before i went off to college, i got my black belt. So, before college i was training like, i dno, like crazy. Like a true warrior/ninja :) All the time... workin out..... preparing for that black belt testing was some hard work. So I was very hard core before I went to college. But then, I moved to East Lansing, and it just wasnt that realistic that on Mondays and Thursdays at 7:30 i would drive in for an hour and a half karate class then drive back to school for class the next day. I remember having good intentions.. even sometimes when I wouldnt have friday classes my first thought was always "oh yah sweet i can go to karate on thursdays for sure." Well, i sorta go, mmm.. fully emerged myself into the whole college thing... and going on on thursday night... and specially monday nights... was just somethig I did not make a priority. Looking back now i really wish i had. Then... even when the summer time would come around, I always looked at it immediately like, ok great 3, 4 months to get things back into my head, retrain, etc etc.... and A. it was frustrating going back and being obviously extremely rusty, and B. it was embarassing to be a black belt who hadnt been training in X number of months, and C. the summer time proved to be not too different from college in terms of what i wnated to be doing. I wanted to go out, I wanted to be on the boat, I wanted to go fishing, I wanted to see my bf (ick), I wanted to work at the palace and DTE, I wanted to go to canada, I wanted to relax. Karate again wasnt too much of a priority. I think had there not been an absense up at college for 9 months it would have been simple to continue through the summer, but that wasnt the case. So yah, just... i'm frustrated. Looking back, I feel like, i definately should have made it more of a priority. Really, how realistic that is, i'm not sure.... but just knowing how i feel right now (dissapointed with myself, embarassed, etc) i feel like i shoulda done more. Dont get me wrong, I still could defend myself and pull some very cool shit if i had to.... but..... theres certain things, forms, techniques, that i've either forgotten, or are extremely rusty at. I'm just not exactly the ninja i used to be, and i really wanna be there. But i dno, Ive put on weight, i'm out of shape, i have forgotten a ton of shit. I should just go, and go every monday and thursday from now on, and it'll come back to me i'm sure, probably faster than i think... but i'm just so hesitant because 1. i'm embarassed about going in there, lining up to do shit, and then having to stop half way through cuz i forget, everyone seeing, people who dont know me being like oh wow a blackbelt who doesnt know how to do anything.... 2. i'm out of shape, i'm afriad i wont be able to keep up 3. and there are just 3 months left of me being here. the same thing will just happen again. i'll go to karate for 3 months then be gone 9. So yah its almost like.. whats the point? and then especially because i'm prolonging the whole graduating thing by a looong time cuz of my major change.. i wont be home, around here to go religiously every monday and thursday for like 3 years.

All things considered this is what i SHOULD do. I should go on monday.. actually monday is labor day so no class. but i should go on thursday, and work super hard to get everything back up in my head as fast as i can. Train really hard twice a week for the rest of the summer.. then actually practice everything i've gotten back up in my head while i'm up at school at LEAST mon and thurs nights when i would be at karate. So when i go back in the summertime again it wont be like i'm just doing everything for the very first time since the prior summer. Hmmmm....

I've only broken boards of wood with my hands and feet and one cement brick with my fist. I havent broken any slabs of cement and thats something i really wanna do. I havent broken anymore than.. i think its.... 2, possssibly 3 boards of wood stacked up on top of eachother with my hand.. and i wanna be able to break more than 3 with my hand. I wanna re learn any lower belt forms i've forgotten. I wanna re learn and finally for once get in my head the Nianchi's (god i hate those forms), basai, sah hum hign nah, and ginto. I started learning ro hi last summer and it was a pretty damn sweet form, but i've got a lot to relearn before i can go on with ro hi again. I wanna re learn some self defense techniques that might be a little rusty. The funny thing though, is that when i went just a few times last year, even right from the start, my sparring (fighting) was really good. My instructor said he was impressed how well i was keeping up with him after not training for a while. I'm a natural fighter i guess :) hehe. I love sparring.

What i'd REALLY like to do is get back in to what i think is good enough shape, lose a few pounds, THEN go back to karate, but the clock is ticking. I guess that means i've got five days to get into semi good shape for next thursday. We'll see. We'll see.




I ain't as good as i once was
My, how the years have flown
There was a time
back in my prime
when i could really hold my own
But if you wanna fight tonight
Guess those boys dont look all that tough
I ain't as good as I once was
But i'm as good once, as i ever was

I used to be hell on wheels
back when i was a younger man
now my body says, "you cant do this boy"
but my pride says, "oh yes you can"

I ain't as good as i once was
that's just the cold hard truth
i still throw a few back
talk a little smack
when i'm feelin' bullet proof
so dont double dog dare me now
cuz i'd havee to call your bluff
i aint as good as i once was
but i'm as good once
as i ever was

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a frist impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide

So, i'm clarify my break down of an entry, what is it... two entries ago? yah sorry for the nervous meltdown but...

I decided to change my major. Its technically not changed yet... until i have an apointment with the advisor in the beginning of june. Let me take you back a few years.

I was a freshman and my major was kinesiology. I wanted to be a personal trainer. I took many KIN classes that first year, and really enjoyed it. Then at the end of the year someone told me how much money Kinesiolgy WOUDLNT make me. I was like... oh.. ok.. then i'll switch... to.. hmm advertising! wonderful! now.. i've made advertising my own. I do really enjoy it. I've learned a ton about it too, we've got a great program. However. I know that this isnt 100% waht i wanna do. I could graduated next year with an ADV degree, get a job, wake up every day, go to it, probably see a decent pay check.. but its not what i REALLLY wanna do. Being a personal trainer is my DREAM job. Getting up every morning, going somewhere, a gym, facility, w/ever... and help people live better lives, help people get healthier, improve the quality of life for individuals, make people sucess stories. I duno, it just sounds SOO fulfilling.. and thats waht i'd love to get up every morning for the rest of my life (until retirement :) ) and do... so... might as well do it, huh. I feel like.. wow i'm giving up 2 hard working years of a degree that i am one EASY year away from getting a BS in... but ya know what... oh well. Its ok to leave things behind to pick up something new. Yah thats like... the lesson of my life for the past six months. But yah... and all the people who love me and want whats best for me have said, oh my gosh, yes go for it! Why woudlnt you do what is going to make you happiest. So.. yah. I had some interviews with some advertising/marketing places... and i canceled because i need to leave the ADV behind.. and look forward to the kinesiology path. I feel lik ei'm going into this blindly.. and starting college over.. wich makes me feel a little uneasy... but its ok. I think i'll be able to handle it. Hopefully itll turn out to be everything i'm hoping it will.

Had a great time the other night with kristen. (wow that sounds naughty). We headed down to the hoedown this past saturday. It was fun, we saw the worlds biggest boot, lots of interesting people, hung out, walked around. We purchases some cowboy hats. Mine is a pink one with black fringe around the edge.. super cute. Kristen's is a tan'ish one with seashells around the edge. REALLY cute too. We had our fill of fun there and headed out. Then out of the blue, Hey lets go to the tigers game! So we wandered for a little bit and eventually found comerica park, and were able to get two tickets. It was about the 5'th inning when we arrived, but it was totally fine. Tigers were up, then went down by one, then tied it in the 8th inning.. then won it in the 10th! REALLY exciting game i'd have to say. Then the fireworks show after was fabulous. We headed out and drove around forever tryin to find a Coney Island. Finally we went to the one on Main Street in Downtown Royal Oak, chilled, saw some people that were sitting by us at the Tigers game, strange... then headed home. It was a really fun day.

I've been doin a lot of cleaning, laundry, house work, yard work, grocery shopping and cooking dinner since i'm the only one home all day with not too much to do. So might as well pull my weight around here. The cooking has been quite a sucess. I highly recomend any of Rachel Ray's 30 minute meal cook books. I havent made one recipe so far that my parents didnt just LOVE. And while they take me a bit longer than 30 minutes, they havent taken any longer than 40, 45. Wich isnt to bad for a really tasty and healthy meal.

Recently figured out i'm allergic to dairy. Strange I know. I was allergic to it wheni was younger. I remember when I was about 7 years old, my family and i went to frankenmeuth or something. On the way home, we were eating crackers and some processed cheese spread we got from frankenmeuth. After eating it for about 15 minutes, i remember my lungs and throat swelling up to the point i could barely breathe. My parents almost took me to the ER but got me home and gave me some asthma medication that pretty much calmed it down. It was really scary. I didnt eat dairy for a long long time, but when i got to highshcool, i could eat dairy with getting sorta tight in the throat but not anything like it used to be. Well, i eat cheese, and milk, all the time, because i love it and thought it was super healthy for me. For the last six months or so, i've been having really bad stomach irritation, bloating, cramps, etc. and i just really didnt know waht was going on. I tried medication, i tried this yogurt that's out there by danon that claims to help with stomach problems.. nothing worked. It was really bad. So, on thursday, I decided to not eat dairy for a few days. And guess what, cramping, stomach iratation, everything, gone the next day. I havent had dairy now for a few days and my stomach has never felt better. So, i'm assuming, i'm probably still alergic to dairy. So yah.. kinda sucks because i do love eating cheese, milk, ice cream.... any other dairy but hey if it makes me sick, its not the best to ingest it i supose.

Mmmm what else... i dno i'm tired i think i'm gonna go take a nap. I havent felt tired in the past few days but for some reason i feel drained. no actually... its time to hot tub it. Niice.. Fisch-out




They said change your clothes
She said no I won't
They said comb your hair
She said some kids don't
And her parents dreams went up in smoke

They said you can't leave
She said yes I will
They said don't see him
She said his name is Bill
She's on a roll and it's all uphill

She's a wild one
With an angel's face
She's a woman-child
In a state of grace
When she was 3 years old on her daddy's knee
He said you can be anything you want to be
She's a wild one
Runnin' free

She loves Rock and Roll
They said it's Satan's tongue
She thinks they're too old
They think she's too young
And the battle lines are clearly drawn

She's a wild one
With an angel's face
She's a woman-child
In a state of grace
When she was 3 years old on her daddy's knee
He said you can be anything you want to be
She's a wild one
Runnin' free

She has future plans and dreams at night
When they tell her life is hard she says that's alright

She's a wild one
With an angel's face
She's a woman-child
In a state of grace
When she was 3 years old on her daddy's knee
He said you can be anything you want to be
She's a wild one
Runnin' free